What is art to you? At times where I found myself unable to fully express how I was feeling verbally, I was able to show it through my art. Art is a form of expression, a canvas upon which we paint our emotions, thoughts, and experiences. It’s where you are free to just be, there is room for mistakes, trial and error, as it is so forgiving. As a self taught artist, my journey through the world of art has been filled with self-fear, self-sabotage, and an unshakable fear of success. We often hold ourselves back because we’re afraid of the spotlight, doubting our abilities, or fearing the responsibilities that come with success. In this blog, I invite you into my world, sharing my experiences, struggles, and how I’ve learned to navigate the treacherous waters of self-doubt.

The Burden of Expectations

Growing up I was surrounded by expectations that society placed upon us. Expectations that wanted me to fit into neat boxes that dictated who I should be. They expected me to conform to the predefined roles and limitations. If you know me, then you know that never worked for me haha. Despite not being able to fully conform the fear of success, strangely enough, was rooted within with the weight of these expectations. As a black woman, I was often told that success was an elusive dream, that I should aim lower. Something within would not allow that to stick as I felt as a black woman I need to aim higher than my highest expectation. Although, I told myself that I can achieve all that I put my mind to, in the back of my mind I often questioned whether pursuing a career in the arts was a path I was allowed to take.

“The Hidden Sketchbook”

For years, I hid my passion for art. I would do simple arts and crafts around the house, decorate things and paint things. I even recall memories of failing those art classes during my years in school. I even have cousins who i admired growing up because they were so dope to me with drawing an could draw me under a table haha. I would spend countless hours sketching and painting in secret, fearful of inadequacy, being judged on the things that I love to draw and paint. It felt was as if my creativity needed to be concealed to protect me from the vulnerability of pursuing an unconventional path. I told myself that I would not be able to make a living as an artist, that it was a path paved with uncertainty. I realized that the fear of success had driven me to stifle my own voice.

The Relentless Impostor Syndrome

I am no exception to failing victim to the imposter syndrome. What is it the imposter syndrome you ask? The nagging voice in my head that would constantly tell me I didn’t belong in the art world, that I was just pretending. An urge to compare your work to other artist was at an all time high for a short period. This is when the fear of self doubt entered and the rollercoaster began.

“An Invitation to Greatness”

I recall a time when I was given the opportunity to sell my artwork at a shoe store that I frequent where I live. When asked, I was hesitant, fear took over as I started to overthink. I had a great opportunity, one of my dreams right in front of me, but the impostor syndrome almost made me decline. “Are they sure my art will sell?”, am I really that good?” was running through my mind. After a few days and a push from my amazing family and friends I silenced the inner critic and embraced the opportunity.

The Journey to Embrace Success

Overcoming self-fear and self-sabotage has been a journey marked by self-discovery and resilience. This journey for me has been about breaking free from the limitations others impose on us and, most importantly, the ones that we tend to place on ourselves.

“Unleashing My Creativity”

I started sharing my artwork online, showcasing my creations on various platforms. The fear of criticism and rejection initially held me back, but the support and encouragement from those who follow me and the artistic community was overwhelming. I realized that I could connect with people who appreciated my art and my perspective. It has also taught me that I had a unique vision worth sharing, that my art deserved to be seen and celebrated. This realization has been instrumental in helping me break free from the fear of success.

As a self taught artist, I’m still on my journey to overcoming self-fear and self-sabotage. But with each step, I’m learning to embrace success. Im growing within self and my artwork. By sharing my experiences and examples, I hope to inspire others to break free from their own chains and embrace success on their own terms. Your voice, your art, and your identity are powerful, and they deserve to be seen… take center stage. Together, let’s shatter the glass ceiling of self-doubt and create a more inclusive and vibrant future for the world of art.. Remember, your voice is powerful, and your art deserves to be seen and celebrated.

DON’T GIVE UP!

If you’re interested in seeing more of my work and other great artist… feel free to come see us at the Black Girl Art Show://blackgirlartshow.com/cities/st-louis/